did happen katrina

Iapos;m writing to you, because you seem to be the only one in my life who could ever understand me.

You are the only one, who can listen and know everything about me, and not ever judge me.

Now that you are so far away from me, I decided to write to you. I miss you. I miss you, and how only you could listen. Because always in my heart I knew, that youapos;re the only one I can trust, and how you have never, and will never disappoint me.


Iapos;m feeling... Different today. I know for a fact itapos;s because of what I saw, or maybe shouldnapos;t of have, but still, I did, and I donapos;t exactly know�how to react.

Iapos;m alone home today. Itapos;s already past 12pm. Iapos;m alone home today, and something told me to go to my motherapos;s laptop...

So I did.

Big mistake.

Or not?


"Are you crazy? Donapos;t be stupid Heapos;s just a friend Iapos;m like a mother to him" is the reply I got for my suspicion. Of course, I believe my mother. I believe she is telling me the truth. I believe she would never lie to me. I believe she would never be with this guy... Never kiss him... Never pose with him while kissing in front of the camera... Never.

Or so I believed.


The only thing I can question now is why she didnapos;t tell me the truth. Is it because she thinks Iapos;m too young to understand? Is it because she didnapos;t want to hurt me? Or is it for her own selfish needs? All I can feel right now is rage, anger, for her... at her. I donapos;t understand how could she have been so selfish, doing this to me. I guess she doesnapos;t care how much this can affect me. Even when I�try to talk to her about it...

"Mom, I donapos;t think you should be with a younger guy." But all she says in return, is that she wants to have some good times.

Well good luck, mom. I hope you find happiness in what youapos;re doing. I hope you find satisfaction when you will be in your 60apos;s, alone, because your "younger boyfriend" left you for some other, better looking woman. I hope you regret the decisions you have made, when you finally see youapos;re alone, because all you wanted, was fun.

I really thought you were smart.

I really saw you as a model, icon, a person I wanted to be just like, because I�did. I wanted to be just as smart as you.

But now I donapos;t. And... Iapos;m actually happy. Now I understand I should rely only on my self, be independent, self-contained, because in the end, you make your own choices and decisions. We come alone into this world, just in the same way as we leave it; alone.

When I saw those pictures, all I wanted was to get back at my mom somehow. My first option was to scream at her when she got back home and walked through the door, but that was when I was in flames from anger. Then, I wanted to wait for her to get back, and tell her calmly about it. But for some reason, I canapos;t.

For some stupid, stupid reason, I canapos;t.

Maybe itapos;s because I�care about what she feels, maybe itapos;s because Iapos;m a bit scared sheapos;ll scream at me and start changing the subject psychologically, like she mostly does when she doesnapos;t want to talk about something. But no, I donapos;t want to confront her.

Well, at least not yet.


As time passes and you look back at your past, you see all the stupid things you have done, all the bad decisions you have made, but you shouldnapos;t be angry at time. Youapos;re the only one to blame. As time passes, you learn from your mistakes, and yet you keep on making them. Just think, in a few years you will look back at today and say you made the wrong decisions, so why not think about it properly this time? Is it really that hard to make the right choice? To pick the right path and not get ran over by a huge train?

Is it really that hard?

Honestly, all you have to do is think. Some people sit back and say destiny will do itapos;s job. Itapos;s not like that. You write your own destiny, even if itapos;s already written for you.


Iapos;m so happy to be finally writing to you. You understand me, you see me...

You just�are.
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